Tag: trust

Be My Neighbor

Growing up in a small, rural community of just over 800 people meant that everyone knew everyone else. In this small environment, I witnessed what it meant to be a neighbor to someone. My parents were friends with those people who lived around us. They would spend nights playing cards at each other’s homes. There would be times when they would get together for coffee and conversation. Whenever there was a need, either for a missing baking item or because of something having gone wrong, my parents and those who lived around us were the first to respond and supply whatever was needed. Together they parented each other’s children and had no issues tattling on us kids when they felt warranted. My image of what it means to be a neighbor is one of being similar to an extended family.

Having grown up and moved away from the community of my youth, I began to live in larger and larger cities. Some of these locations still had an understanding of being a neighbor similar to my own, but others had a much different concept. The city in which I now reside is a part of a metropolis of over seven million people. I would have to say that being a neighbor in this city is very different from the understanding which I have had most of my life. Being a neighbor to most whom I have encountered means having adjoining property lines or being across the street and that is the extent of the definition. While this is not completely shocking, I am not convinced that this is how it has to be. In fact, I would go so far as saying that I do not think it needs to be this way.

I have decided that I want to show those who live around us, a much different possibility of being a neighbor. Realizing that I am new to the neighborhood in which I now live, I know that I need to take small steps. The key to making this change is small steps which create trust. The first step which I have deliberately made is to be visible. We are fortunate to have with our house not only an awesome patio in our fenced off backyard, but a terrific front porch. My husband gave me wooden Adirondack chairs for a Christmas gift. Per my request, he painted them white. After taking down the outdoor Christmas decorations from our front porch, we moved the new chairs to the front porch. We added a half, wooden barrel (which he also painted white) in between the chairs to provide a stand for our drinks or other items. With this set up, it is possible for me to spend sunny mornings or afternoons sitting on the front porch, reading, and sipping a drink. By doing this, I am visible to my neighbors and gives me an opportunity to at least say hello whenever I see them out.

Another small step which I have taken is to be deliberate about introducing myself to neighbors whom I have not met yet. I share a little bit about myself and my husband, then I ask about their families if they do not offer information on their own. I work hard at remembering their names and a little bit about them so when I see them outside I can call them by name and even ask a question regarding something which they have already told me.

My hope is that by taking these small steps, I can build trust. By building trust, it will be much easier to interact more frequently and to do more in looking out for one another. The days of going over to one another’s house to play cards in the evenings may be gone. However, I think we all could use a little more feeling of being a neighbor in a world which can be so impersonal.

Like Mr Rogers would sing….. “Won’t you be…my neighbor?”

Relationships Needed

In my last post, I wrote about realizing what matters in life. I have decided to expand on that theme in today’s post. If you remember, I pointed out that what matters are the lives which intersect with our own. Each of these intersections have a different level of depth to them. Some are more superficial and may become solely acquaintances or one-time encounters. Others become actual relationships.

As I consider the assorted places I have lived, the jobs which I have had, and organizations I have joined, I can name at least one relationship from each of these which I still maintain today. In each of these different groups, I actually have more than one continuing relationship. Relationships have always been important to me. I need to be connected to others and I spend a lot of time developing a variety of relationships. Each relationship carries with it memories, lessons, and lasting impacts.

Three basic factors for developing and maintaining a relationship exist. The first and probably most important, is communication. A person needs to be in regular communication with another if they are going to create and grow a relationship. When communication ends, then the relationship will be weakened and sooner or later will end as well. This communication needs to be more than superficial after the first weeks of the relationship. Going deeper in the communication highlights the second factor.

The second basic factor of a healthy relationship is being vulnerable. How vulnerable depends on the nature of the relationship and the length of time. Trust must be established for a vulnerability to exist. This trust builds over time but also builds when a person shares something meaningful and experiences a positive reaction by the other individual. As trust increases and the openness of sharing increases then the relationship will be stronger.

The third basic factor is making an effort. The first two components are connected to this third. Relationships do not magically happen. They require taking the time and work to establish and maintain them. I view relationships as being alive. As a plant or animal requires effort to grow and maintain, a relationship requires the same. If a plant or animal is neglected, it will die. The same is true with a relationship.

Having relationships can be exceedingly rewarding in a person’s life. We were created with the innate desire to be in relationship. I encourage all of you to develop and maintain healthy relationships in your lives so that you can be healthy and complete.